第 4 部分阅读
sherarelylaughed.butovertiearanskythoughthenoticedasofteningofherattitude.shehadadrysenseofhuour. utitildly,whichcouldproptacrooked,ironicsile.
aranskyfeltsoprovokedbyherlackofeotionalresponsethatsoetieshewantedtograbholdofherandshakeher.toforcehiswayintohershellandwinherfriendship,oratleastherrespect.
onlyonce,aftershehadbeenworkingforhifornineonths,hadhetriedtodiscussthesefeelingswithher.itwasatmiltonsecurity’schristaspartyoneeveningindeceber,andforoncehewasnotsober.nothinginappropriatehadhappened—hehadjusttriedtotellherthatheactuallylikedher.mostofallhewantedtoexplainthathefeltprotectivetowardsher,andifsheeverneededhelpwithanything,sheshouldnothesitatetoetohi.hehadeventriedtogiveherahug.allinfriendliness,ofcourse.
shehadwriggledoutofhisclusyebraceandlefttheparty.afterthatshehadnotappearedattheofficeoransweredherobile.herabsencehadfeltliketorture—alostaforofpersonalpunishent.hehadnobodytodiscusshisfeelingswith,andforthefirsttieherealisedwithappallingclaritywhatadestructiveholdshehadoverhi.
threeweekslater,whenaranskywasworkinglateoneeveninggoingovertheyear-endkeeping,salanderreappeared.shecaeintohisofficeassilentlyasaghost,andhebecaeawarethatshewasstandingintheshadowsinsidethedoorway,watchinghi.hehadnoideahowlongshehadbeenthere.
“wouldyoulikesoecoffee？”sheasked.shehandedhiacupfrotheespressoachineinthecanteen.mutelyheaeptedit,feelingbothreliefandterrorwhensheshovedthedoorclosedwithherfoot.shesatdownoppositehisdeskandlookedhistraightintheeye.thensheaskedthequestioninawaythatcouldneitherbelaughedoffnoravoided.
“dragan,areyouattractedtoe？”
aranskysatasifparalysed,whiledesperatelywonderinghowtoanswer.hisfirstipulsewa. retendtobeinsulted.thenhesawherexpressionanditcaetohithatthiswasthefirsttieshehadeverutteredanysuchpersonalquestion.itwasseriouslyeant,andifhetriedtolaughitoffshewouldtakeitasanaffront.shewantedtotalktohi,andhewonderedhowlongithadtakenhertogetupthecouragetoaskthatquestion.heslowlyputdownhispenandleanedbackinhischair.finallyherelaxed.
“whatakesyouthinkthat？”hesaid.
“thewayyoulookate,andthewayyoudon’tlookate.andthetiesyouwereabouttoreachoutyourhandandtouchebut. pedyourself.”
hesiledather.“ireckonyou’dbiteoffyhandifilaidafingeronyou.”
shedidnotsile.shewaswaiting.
“lisbeth,i’yourboss,andevenifiwereattractedtoyou,i’dneveractonit.”
shewasstillwaiting.
“betweenus—yes,therehavebeentieswhenihavefeltattractedtoyou.ican’texplainit,butthat’sthewayitis.forsoereasonidon’treallyunderstand,ilikeyoualot.butit’snotaphysicalthing.”
“that’sgood.becauseit’llneverhappen.”
aranskylaughed.thefirsttieshehadsaidsoethingpersonalanditwastheostdishearteningnewsaancouldiaginereceiving.hestruggledtofindtherightwords.
“lisbeth,iunderstandthatyou’renotinterestedinanoldanoffiftyplus.”
“i’notinterestedinanoldanoffiftypluswho’syboss.”sheheldupahand.“wait,letespeak.you’resoetiesstupidandaddeninglybureaucratic,butyou’reactuallyanattractivean,and…icanalsofeel…butyou’reybossandi’veetyourwifeandiwanttokeepyjobwithyou,andtheostidioticthingicoulddoisgetinvolvedwithyou.”
aranskysaidnothing,hardlydaringtobreathe.
“i’awareofwhatyou’vedonefore,andi’notungrateful.iappreciatethatyouactuallyshowedyourselftobegreaterthanyourprejudicesandhavegiveneachancehere.butidon’twantyouforylover,andyou’renotyfather.”
afterawhilearanskysighedhelplessly.“whatexactlydoyouwantfroe？”
“iwanttocontinueworkingforyou.ifthat’sokwithyou.”
henoddedandthenansweredherashonestlyashecould.“ireallydowantyoutoworkfore.butialsowantyoutofeelsoesortoffriendshipandtrustine.”
shenodded.
“you’renotapersonwhoencouragesfriendship,”hesaid.sheseeedtowithdraw,buthewenton.“iunderstandthatyoudon’twantanyoneinterferinginyourlife,andi’lltrynottodothat.butisitallrightificontinuetolikeyou？”
salanderthoughtaboutitforalongtie.thensherepliedbygettingup,walkingaroundthedesk,andgivinghiahug.hewastotallyshocked.onlywhenshereleasedhididhetakeherhand.
“wecanbefriends？”
shenoddedonce.
thatwastheonlytiesheevershowedhianytenderness,andtheonlytiesheevertouchedhi.itwasaoentthataranskyfondlyreebered.
afterfouryearsshehadstillvouchsafedhardlyadetailaboutherprivatelifeorherbackgroundtoaransky.onceheappliedhisownknowledgeofthepinder’sartonher.healsohadalongtalkwithholgerpalgren—whodidnotseesurprisedtoseehi—andwhathefinallyfoundoutdidnotincreasehistrustinher.heneverentionedawordaboutthistoherorletherknowthathehadbeensnoopingintoherlife.insteadhehidhisuneasinessandincreasedhiswatchfulness.
beforethatstrangeeveningwasover,aranskyandsalanderhadetoanagreeent.infutureshewoulddoresearchprojectsforhionafreelancebasis.shewouldreceiveasallonthlyinewhethershedidanyassignentsornot.therealoneywouldbeadewhenshewaspaidperassignent.shecouldworkthewayshewantedto；inreturnshepledgednevertodoanythingthatightebarrasshiorrisksubjectingmiltonsecuritytoscandal.
foraranskythiswasasolutionthatwasadvantageoustohi,thepany,andsalanderherself.hecutthetroublesoepidepartentdowntoasinglefull-tieeployee,anoldercolleaguewhohandledroutinejobsperfectlywellandrancreditchecks.allplicatedortrickyassignentsheturnedovertosalanderandafewotherfreelancerswho—inthelastresort—wereindependentcontractorsforwhomiltonsecurityhadactuallynoresponsibility.sinceheregularlyengagedherservices,sheearnedagoodsalary.itcou
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