第 26 部分阅读
he. pedbelowceciliavanger’shouseandstoleaglanceatthelightedwindowsonth. floor.thenhewenthoeandputonsoecoffeeofhisown.hewentintohisofficewhilehewaitedforittobrew.
beforehepresentedhiselfattheprisonhehadreturnedtheajorityofvanger’sdocuentationonharriet.ithadseeedwisenottoleaveitinaneptyhouse.nowtheshelveslookedbare.hehad,ofthereports,onlyfiveofvanger’sownnotes,andthesehehadtakenwithhitorull？kerandnowknewbyheart.henoticedanalbuonth. shelfofthecasethathehadfotten.
hecarriedittothekitchentable.hepouredhiselfcoffeeandbegangoingthroughit.
theywerephotographsthathadbeentakenonthedayharrietdisappeared.thefirstofthewasthelastphotographofharriet,atthechildren’sdayparadeinhedestad.thenthereweresoe180crystal-clearpicturesofthesceneoftheaidentonthebridge.hehadexainedtheiagesonebyonewithaagnifyingglassonseveraloasionspreviously.nowheturnedthepagesalostabsent-indedly；heknewhewasnotgoingtofindanythinghehadnotseenbefore.infacthefeltallofasuddenfedupwiththeunexplainabledisappearanceofharrietvangerandslaedthealbushut.
restlesslyhewenttothekitchenwindowandpeeredoutintothedarkness.
thenheturnedhisgazebacktothealbu.hecouldnothaveexplainedthefeeling,butathoughtflittedthroughhishead,asthoughhewerereactingtosoethinghehadjustseen.itwasasthoughaninvisiblecreaturehadwhisperedinhisear,akingthehairsonthebackofhisneckstandonend.
heopenedthealbuagain.hewentthroughitpagebypage,lookingatallthepicturesofthebridge.helookedattheyoungerversionofanoil-soakedhenrikvangerandayoungerharald,aanwhohehadstillnotet.thebrokenrailing,thebuildings,thewindowsandthevehiclesvisibleinthepictures.hecouldnotfailtoidentifyatwenty-year-oldceciliaintheidstoftheonlookers.shehadonalight-coloureddressandadarkjacketandwasinatleasttwentyofthephotographs.
hefeltafreshexciteent,andovertheyearsblokvisthadlearnedtotrusthisinstincts.theseinstinctswerereactingtosoethinginthealbu,buthecouldnotyetsaywhatitwas.
hewasstillatthekitchentableat11:00,staringonebyoneagainatthephotographswhenheheardthedooropen.
“mayiein？”itwasceciliavanger.withoutwaitingforananswershesatdownacrossfrohiatthetable.blokvisthadastrangefeelingofdéjàvu.shewasdressedinathin,loose,light-coloureddressandagreyish-bluejacket,clothesalostidenticaltothoseshewaswearinginthephotographsfro1966.
“you’retheonewho’stheproble,”shesaid.
blokvistraisedhiseyebrows.
“fivee,butyoutookebysurprisewhenyouknockedonthedoortonight.nowi’sounhappyican’tsleep.”
“whyareyouunhappy？”
“don’tyouknow？”
heshookhishead.
“ifitellyou,proiseyouwon’tlaugh.”
“proise.”
“wheniseducedyoulastwinteritwasanidiotic,ipulsiveact.iwantedtoenjoyyself,that’sall.thatfirstnightiwasquitedrunk,andihadnointentionofstartinganythinglong-terwithyou.thenitturnedintosoethingelse.iwantyoutoknowthatthoseweekswithyouasyoasionalloverweresoeofthehappiestinylife.”
“ithoughtitwaslovelytoo.”
“mikael,i’vebeenlyingtoyouandtoyselfthewholetie.i’veneverbeenparticularlyrelaxedaboutsex.i’vehadfivesexpartnersinyentirelife.oncewheniwastwenty-oneandadebutante.thenwithyhusband,whoietwheniwastwenty-fiveandwhoturnedouttobeabastard.andthenafewtieswiththreeguysietseveralyearsapart.butyouprovokedsoethingine.isiplycouldn’tgetenough.ithadsoethingtodowiththefactthatyou’resoundeanding.”
“cecilia,youdon’thaveto…”
“shh—don’tinterrupt,ori’llneverbeabletotellyouthis.”
blokvistsatinsilence.
“thedayyouleftforprisoniwasabsolutelyiserable.youweregone,asthoughyouhadneverexisted.itwasdarkhereintheguesthouse.itwascoldandeptyinybed.andthereiwas,anoldaidoffifty-sixagain.”
shesaidnothingforawhileandlookedblokvistintheeyes.
“ifellinlovewithyoulastwinter.ididn’teanto,butithappened.andthenitookstockandrealisedthatyouwereonlyhereteporarily；onedayyou’llbegoneforgood,andi’llstayherefortherestofylife.ithurtsodanuchthatidecidediwasn’tgoingtoletyouinagainwhenyoucaebackfroprison.”
“i’sorry.”
“it’snotyourfault.whenyoulefttonightisatandcried.iwishihadthechancetoliveylifeoveragain.theniwoulddecideonohing.”
“what’sthat？”
shelookeddownatthetable.
“thatiwouldhavetobetotallyinsao. seeingyoujustbecauseyou’regoingtoleaveoneday.mikael,canwestartagain？canyoufetwhathappenedearlierthisevening？”
“it’sfotten,”hesaid.“butthankyoufortellinge.”
shewasstilllookingdownatthetable.
“ifyoustillwante,let’sdoit.”
shelookedathiagain.thenshegotupandwentovertothebedroodoor.shedroppedherjacketonthefloorandpulledherdressoverherheadasshewent.
blokvistandceciliavangerwokeupwhenthefrontdooropenedandsoeonewaswalkingthroughthekitchen.theyheardthethudofsoethingheavybeingputdownnearthewoodstove.thenbergerwasstandinginthebedroodoorwaywithasilethatrapidlychangedtoshock.
“oh,goodlord.”shetookastepback.
“hi,erika,”blokvistsaid.
“hi.i’sosorry.iapologiseathousandtiesforbarginginlikethis.ishouldhaveknocked.”
“weshouldhavelockedthefrontdoor.erika—thisisceciliavanger.cecilia—erikabergeristheeditorinchiefofmillenniu.”
“hi,”ceciliasaid.
“hi,”bergersaid.shelookedasthoughshecouldnotdecidewhethertostepforwardandpolitelyshakehandsorjustleave.“uh,i…icangoforawalk…”
“whatdoyousa. uttingonsoecoffeeinstead？”blokvistlookedatthealarclockonthebedsidetable.justpastnoon.
bergernoddedandpulledthebedroodoorshut.blokvistandcecilialookedateachother.ceciliaappearedebarrassed.theyhadadeloveandtalkeduntil4:00intheorning.thenceciliasaidshethoughtshe’dsleepoverandthatinthefutureshewouldn’tgiveatinker’scusswhoknewshewassleepingwithmikaelblokvist.shehadsleptwithherbacktohiandwithhisartuckedaroundherbreasts.
“listen,it’sok,”hesaid.“erika’sarriedandsheisn’tygirlfriend.weseeeachothernowandthen,butshedoesn’tcareatallifyouandihavesoething…she’sprobablyprettyebarrassedherselfrightnow.”
whentheywentintothekitchenawhilelater,erikahadsetoutcoffee,juice,leonaralade,cheese,andtoast.itselledgood.ceciliawentstraightuptoherandheldoutherhand.
“iwasalittleabruptinthere.hi.”
“dearcecilia,i’sosorryfor. inginlikeanelephant,”saidaveryebarrassederikaberger.
“fetit,forgod’ssake.andlet’shavebreakfast.”
afterbreakfastbergerexcusedherselfandleftthealone,sayingthatshehadtogoandsayhellotovanger.ceciliaclearedthetablewithherbacktomikael.hewentupandputhisarsaroundher.
“what’sgoingtohappennow？”ceciliasaid.
“nothing.thisisthewayitis—erikaisybestfriend.sheandihavebeentogetheroffandonfortwentyyearsandwillprobablybe,onandoff,togetherforanothertwenty.ihopeso.butwe’veneverbeenacoupleandwenevergetinthewayofeachother’sroances.”
“isthatwhatwehave？aroance？”
“idon’tknohatwehave,butapparentlywegetalong.”
“where’sshegoingtosleeptonight？”
“we’llfindheraroosoewhere.oneofhenrik’sspareroos.shewon’tbesleepinginybed,anyway.”
ceciliathoughtaboutthisforaoent.
“idon’tknowificanhandlethis.youandsheightfunctionthatway,butidon’tknow…i’venever…”sheshookherhead.“i’goingbacktoyplace.ihavetothinkaboutthisforawhile.”
“cecilia,youaskedeearlieranditoldyouaboutyrelationshipwitherika.herexistencecan’tbeanygreatsurprisetoyou.”
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